Mama je ne sais quio

Some woman just have it. They make being a mommy look so damn easy. You never see them stress or lose patience. You never see them sweat. I love my kids dearly, but this my friends- I do not have. I do not have Mama je ne sais quoi.

I envy these woman. As much as I try to posses it, its something that's innate. You cant just get it- doesn't matter how hard you practice. Believe me, I tried. My new year resolution was to have more patience -three years in a row. I failed. Miserably. I have tried counting to 10 and it does seem to work until the witching hour where everyone seems to lose their frigging minds and I just throw in the towel and join in with them...or pour a glass of wine.

I want so badly to be that stepford mom. Mostly ,I feel more mommy dearest-esque! I love them so much that its hard not to question if I'm doing the "right" thing. Am I paying enough attention, am I paying equal attention? Did I give them enough food, is the food I gave them healthy enough? Am I playing enough, how much should I play? No more wire hangers!!

I think the most important thing to realize is -that if you're questioning yourself as much as I do, than there is nothing left to question. Your worries and concerns are because you want the most for your little loves. You want to make sure you are doing right by them. You love them enough to be questioning your every move to make sure they are happy little people that grow into happy adults. We are driving ourselves crazy because of how much we care. Mothering may not come as gracefully for us as it does for other mothers, but it doesn't mean we aren't just as good at it. We just have to work harder.

When I see how happy my kids are, I know I must be doing something right. I may not be Martha frigging Stewart.  That mama je ne sais quoi may not be as prominent in me as it is in other mothers...but, I am doing the best that I can. It doesn't make them better than me, just different. Maybe reminding myself of this every day will help me to get through each day. And- who knows? Maybe some natural mama je ne sais quoi will shine through.