We are Mothers, Hear us Roar!

 

 

Being a mom, I'm constantly reminded of just how strong I have become. Carrying two pregnancies, giving birth, producing milk to nourish my babies. Besides the fascination of what my body has been capable of doing, I'm honestly amazed at how much my strength has magnified since having children. I think this hammer strength is a woman's right of passage upon entering motherhood.

 

Before the kids came along, I made a pact with my husband. I would be on shit duty-he puke. I couldn't see puke, smell it, hear it or think it. If I did, all hell would break loose...can't possibly take care of a vomiting child when you're puking yourself. This weak stomach of mine somehow metamorphosed into steel when I became a mom. It comes with the territory. I am now capable of handling human feces and vomit like no other. I wear this badge honorably because I earned it!

 

Both kids were sick last week-unfortunately simultaneously with me. Although the flu test resulted in a negative, it very much mirrored it. I woke up one night with a fever- freezing, dry mouth, sore throat and headache from hell. I couldn't even lift my head to take a sip of water from my nightstand! I felt like absolute shit. I envisioned myself getting up to take Tylenol in the kitchen while getting an extra blanket from the living room. I laid there for what felt like forever, listening to the beat of my headache, shivering, thinking of all the things that would make me feel better, completely and utterly immobile- until hearing..."mommyyyyy"!!! And... right out of bed I went. Just like that. For myself, I laid there suffering. My son needed me and there wasn't a moments hesitation. Knowing he felt similar to how I did - made me feel worse. After getting him what he needed, I lay cuddled next to him in his twin bed- shivering synchronized, praying to God to transfer his pain to me. If only cuddling could somehow access that transfer, our kids would go unscathed for life- and, we really would be able to do it all!

 

A mother's strength comes in many different forms. I never thought I would make it when both kids stopped napping!  It can be a bouncy house rescue- climbing a blow-up ladder military style with one arm, while carrying a child in another! Sometimes its finding the courage to speak up at school when need be. This animal instinct to protect my young is a strength within me I never knew existed. I have evolved into this Superwoman that can get through just about anything. I always knew I wanted to be a mom...I just didn't know I would feel this amazing being one. Putting their needs, wants and desires first takes a lot of strength...I believe we suddenly possess this strength because Lord knows- we need it!

 

Being a mom is empowering. I have never felt as confident as I do today as Chloe and Max's mom. Sure there are days I want to have a cocktail by 10am- but that strength within me gets me through the day (or at least until 5pm) without it! I brought them into this world and have watched them grow into these amazing little people- because of me. I always second guessed myself and what I was good at before having them. This- I got. This is what I was meant to be. A mommy. And... I couldn't be happier with my title...or my new found mommy muscle.

 

This post is dedicated to my two little loves, Chloe and Max. Thank you both for making me feel so important. The love you both have for me feeds the Superwoman in me to keep me going on those not so fun days. Mommy loves you both more than my heart can hold. You have made my life what I wanted it to be.

 

xoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Raising Humans: Growing Pains

 

 

 

Almost five years ago, I came home from the hospital with my baby girl. She was born the last day of September so it was early October when we came home. It was a beautiful 90 degree day- unusual for New York that time of year. If the day wasn't perfect enough, the sun shining on my face gave me a feeling of warmth and happiness that I never felt before. I felt like it was our special day and the sun was shining for us, lighting our path home.

 

 

To continue reading about the journey of my Kindergarten growing pains with Chloe, please read with me here.

 

When Tricia from Raising Humans asked me to write for her weekly series, Growing Together, not only was I honored- it was at a perfect time. Her blog focuses on growth. With my daughter starting Kindergarten this week, I am mixed with many emotions from sadness to excitement. We are at the beginning of her educational journey that I find bittersweet...so what better to write about?

 

Tricia, thank you for trusting in me with your blog and your readers. You are an amazing writer and mommy. You asking me to write for you is so gratifying. It validates that my voice is being heard! Thanks again Tricia- for hearing my voice...and sharing it with the world.

 

Our Reptile Adventure!

Boy we were in for quite a surprise when we went to the reptile show at our local park yesterday! Erik's Reptile Edventure was an enthusiastic, educational adventure (hence Edventure!) for the children of our community to enjoy.

Erik's passion came across the first moment he began he show. He excitedly spoke about each reptile, explaining where they came and what they ate. Some of his stories were both hysterical and crazy like the one where an animal urinated on him while holding it close to his face- burning his eyes for hours!!

He started out with small reptiles showing the kids tree frogs and allowing time for each child to touch them & high five them! I was surprised Chloe happily partook in the touching!

He moved quickly along to the bigger reptiles like Ms. B, a Water Monitor Lizard. The parents and kids were taken aback when he whipped this lady out! Chloe quickly ran away and hid behind me!


The craziest part of the show is when he fed Ms. B a rat! My kids stood there in awe...or maybe they were a little freaked out! Watch the video below!

Crazy, right? I guess they weren't too freaked out because both Max and Chloe keep replaying this clip over and over!

Erik does birthday parties as well!

Your a skunk, Ma!

I know all kids say funny things. My kids- they say the weirdest things! I have no idea where they come up with most of it! My son suddenly started saying EEEEEEEEE Skunk....EEEEE skunkety, skunk. He says it all the time and now refers to me as skunk- mostly when I say something he doesn't like. For instance, stop kicking Murphy (our dog), Max. "Your a skunk, Ma". Max, time for a bath..."your a skunk, Ma". Todays 6:30 am "your a skunk, Ma" was both unexpected and unwarranted being that I was sleeping. I also didn't find waking up to it as funny as I usually do!

I have to say though- for two years old, hes quite the innovator. EEEEEE Skunk now has it's own

lullaby renditions.

You are my skunky

my only skunky

you make me happy

when skies are grey

you never know skunk

how much I love you

please dont take

my skunky away 

And then there is "This little skunky"

This little skunky went to the market

This little skunky stayed home

This little skunky ate roast beef

This little skunky had none

This little skunky was a sad little skunky

and went wee wee wee

all the way home

Hes starting school this Fall. Hopefully he outgrows EEEEE skunk by then or his teacher finds him as witty as I do when he calls her a skunk!

Will keep new songs coming as they are created!

Sorry...we are having cereal!

Why is it, "sorry, we are having cereal for breakfast"?

I love cereal and can even eat it for lunch or dinner and not feel disappointed. I also love watching my almost 3 year old son eating cereal- it must be what a caveman would look like eating with a utensil for the first time!

I have conditioned my family to expect all out breakfasts such as homemade pancakes, french toast, omelette's - all accompanied by fresh fruit of course- EVERYDAY.

Surely, I must be BUGGIN.

I have to stop planting these high expectation seedlings in their heads. I fear I may already be in too deep.

For example, we came home from a birthday party Saturday - one where both of my kids didn't eat the pizza ( they are mini food connoisseurs and only like "their" pizzeria! Can you imagine? This is what happens being a New Yorker.) Of course they were hungry. I whipped up chicken cutlets, rice with chopped up hidden broccoli and sliced up a cucumber for them to share. I mean- why do I do this to myself? I am setting the standard way too high.

I should have given them a damn bowl of cereal. They would have been just as happy and I wouldn't have had the cleanup I had.

Lesson learned. Even though cereal is awesome and shouldn't be looked at as a compromise - cereal prevails in the future! For breakfast, lunch & sometimes...even dinner!

A Day Out With Thomas

Max loves him some Thomas! When I saw that A Day Out With Thomas was going to be in New Jersey (we live in NY), I knew we had to take him. He was so excited when I showed him what we would be seeing on our adventure.         

The location at Phillipsburg, NJ was completely different from those pictured on You Tube. The trains I saw and envisioned myself taking my son to, were on train platforms. The train tables for the children to play with were set up on concrete. We were in dirt, on dirt... dirt was up my nose and in my eyes. It wasn't horrible- just unexpected...and the 100 degree weather didn't help matters! Dirtbags and all, it was still worth seeing the smile on my baby boys face. Max liked playing with the train tables more than anything else there. We drove two hours that Saturday- in 100 degrees ( I don't do 100 degrees) to see Thomas and take a 25 minute un-air conditioned ride on Thomas himself!  Max was thrilled when we got there. There were tons of Thomas paraphernalia for us to get ripped off buy. The ride itself was approximately 12 minutes forward to nowhere and 12 minutes backwards. Music from the Thomas episodes played in the back while we rode along. I was thankful that it wasn't longer in that heat. I also think it was more than enough for my almost 3 year old to handle.

He bopped his head along to the music and tapped his little fist to the beat on the windowsill as we rode along.

He met Sir Topam Hat and took a photo with him...he was intrigued by his large shoes- me by his ability to survive in 100 degrees in that costume!

My little boy was so happy- red cheeks, filthy feet, sweaty little self and all. It made the unbearable heat worth every uncomfortable moment! I cannot stop looking at the pictures and watching the video of him bopping happily along to the music.

I was filthy, I sweat my ass off and would do it all again to make my lil man happy.

Him telling everyone of how he rode on Thomas makes me forget of my near heat exhaustion experience!

Ahhh...the things we do to make our children happy!

If you live close and it's not 100 degrees- definitely go for A Day Out With Thomas if your son is a fan. He will love it if my son did  under the circumstances we went in!

We made the best of it!

Seashell arts and crafts

I'm not sure if staying home makes the kids crazier- or me. We are normally out all day- most days, except for days like today since Chloe wasn't feeling well. I was up all night with her coughing and vomiting so I was  happy to lay low today. We took a nice, long walk and then came home to do a craft that was perfect to do on a lay low day.

Chloe collected shells on the beach last week and took them home. I bought paint and some paintbrushes on our outing today- covered their little outdoor table with newspaper- and let em' rip!      

I prepared the table first, setting up their stations with the Crayola washable paint and Crayola paintbrushes. I had the sparkles from Easter so I put them out as well knowing they would be a hit with Chloe. They had such a great time painting the shells- they painted for way over an hour!

The paint got on everything & my backyard will forever be sparkly- but I have to say, much to my surprise- the paint came out of all of our clothing!

A day I thought was going to drag- ended up being such an amazing one. On my next trip to CVS, I'll be sure to pick up another box of Crayola paints to keep on hand for a rainy or sick day.

One of Chloe's shell creations

Oh My God... I'M Mom!

As I browsed the crappy gifts at the Spring boutique in the gym of my daughters school, I was hit with a moment of nostalgia. Suddenly, I was back in elementary school excitedly searching the same crappy gifts with "mom" inscribed for my mom. I got tears in my eyes when I realized that- I'm Mom...I will be getting the very same crappy gifts that I chose for my own Mom- and cherish them the same way she did because my kids chose them...for me.

I went back to that feeling of being a kid and wanting to pick out something my mom would love. Of wanting to make her so happy with the gift I chose. The feeling of finally being able to give something to the woman who gives everything to me...the person that makes it all better.  When it hit me in that moment that I am that woman to my daughter- I was overwhelmed with emotion.

It's amazing how an oven mitt with "mother' embroidered across it can put things in perspective. Of course before the Spring boutique I was well aware I was a mom. I did carry them both for close to a year each and expel them through a rather small opening of my body! But...in that moment, flashing back to myself as a child- feeling that love for my mom and knowing that is how Chloe feels for me...just-made me realize how important I am to her. How much she loves and looks up to me. Like I did my mom. And still do.

WOW.

I. Am. A .Mom.

And- I couldn't be luckier...shitty gifts included.

You can take the girl out of Brooklyn

I was born and raised in Canarsie, a neighborhood in Brooklyn. My block, 95th street is where a minimum of 20 kids dwelled-all friends including two of my best to this day, Dawn and Nicole. Summer days and nights were spent on our block playing tag, manhunt, red light- green light...we were never bored.

We had some trusty characters that helped keep boredom to a minimum. Jerry the bum for one, who wasn't truly a bum - but a man who worked in finance and lost his mind. Dressed in a suit everyday, he wandered around Canarsie and down our street daily. As out of sorts as he was, he was harmless. Singing Grandma was an older woman who lived one block over. She would walk up and down the block humming and singing. She never spoke a word to us. She too was harmless- as long as we didn't speak to her!  C was my favorite. As a result of scarlet fever as a child, she suffered a terribly high temperature that left her brain damaged. She was a fun-loving, innocent thirty something year old woman that was very childlike. She lived two blocks down and was a 95th street staple. Everyone in Canarsie knew her and watched over her. She always had a smile on her face and was always laughing. Besides growing up with so many kids on my block, these are some of the memories I have of growing up in Brooklyn. There was always something going on.

I moved to Long Island (the suburbs) the year I got married. I love it here...but not like I loved Brooklyn. I'm here for seven years and as much as it feels like home- it's not home. I don't know the people in the stores like I did in Canarsie. I don't see familiar faces in the playground. It's different. In Brooklyn, kids played in the front of their houses. Here- everyone plays in their backyards. As much as I love my backyard, I would love to hear the sound of children laughing and playing in front of our houses as well. It's just nice seeing people outside...guess living on a dead end doesn't help matters!

I came here to raise a family and am doing just that. The schools are amazing and I hope they both get the education my husband and I came here for (and am paying for in the taxes!) I just also hope that they find lifelong friends like I have. I know that they will meet school friends- Chloe has already- but will it be the same? My block in Brooklyn was so tight knit- such a community. I fear that living here- my children will never have the childhood I had. My childhood was remarkable- ask any kid from 95th street and they'll tell you the same.

The memories I have of being a kid, growing up on the block I did, are some of the best I have. I want that for my children because of how good it was. A firefly hunt/competition isn't as much fun with just your sibling. 20 kids deep on a stoop eating Italian ices, coming in filthy from a long day of play, all being annoyed by the same nosy neighbor (yea- I'm talking to you Thelma!)...camaraderie.

I never heard the word "playdate" before moving to the burbs. We just played or went over each others houses. We weren't ushered to and fro 3-4 different activities per week. We did kid things with each other. We didn't need outside sources because we had each other. I want my kids to experience friendships the way the children of 95th street did.

As much as I know Chloe and Max will never have the childhood I had, a mom could only dream it will be just as good- if not better. It may not be like mine- but I hope their version comes close in comparison.

Me (right) and Dawn- circa 1980!

Us at her baby shower over two years ago!
Me on the right again-funny!

A lifelong friendship that began in Brooklyn.

Mothering is not all rainbows and butterflies

As I look up at my windows adorned with pastel eggs and bunnies, (yes- my windows are still decorated for Easter...taking them down tonight- I swear!) I laugh at the sounds coming from my house. They do not match whats going on inside! It's like asking a blonde if the drapes match the carpet!

This is the one reason I dislike Spring. Open windows.
From the outside- the pastel bunnies and chicks make our life seem like its all rainbows and butterflies- that is when the windows are closed.

When the windows are open, it sounds like an asylum! Between the screaming and crying from the kids- me yelling (only when necessary of course-wink,wink) and the dog barking...only crazy people can sound like this!

When I realize the windows are open after a tug of war between Chloe and Max, I wince. Then I shrug and say screw it! Although my life may appear to be filled with pastel chicks and bunnies-life isn't always rainbows and butterflies!

Sign should read "crazy house" with the arrow pointed toward our front door.

Jumbo Shrimp

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. This, some of us may know- yet we still wonder what it would be like. I had dinner with 3 of my close girlfriends last night and our discussions were centered around our significant others not doing their share in the house and unruly children- our own and others!

Mind you, I was the only married woman at the table and the only mother!

One of the three girls is living with her boyfriend of four years.

The two others are single, sans children.

In the midst of my venting, Esther asks me- when is it good? I was taken aback by her question and  felt awful for making it sound like it is all bad. I meant to articulate how difficult it is- not bad. My explanation to her was that I have everything I have ever wanted. Everything I could ask for. If I were in her shoes, what I have- is what I would be longing for...yet, at times- I cant help but envy her freedom. Her quiet time. Her ability to come and go as she chooses. That sounds glorious to me- yet, if I had it- I would want what I have now!!!

Life is crazy. Life isn't always easy. This I know well. But I love my life and I love my kids even when I feel the desire to put my head through the wall. Even when Chloe fights me to brush her teeth- every morning and every night. Even when she insists on wearing only pink- every day with a closet filled with everything but pink. Even when my son pees on the floor while staring at me in front of the potty seat. Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms!

Our conversation was clearly confused and in the interim, bad and difficult was lost in translation.

From last nights conversation on, I will make a conscience effort to say what I mean and mean what I say- the best that I can.

Parenting accompanies the good, the bad and the ugly. In order to keep manhood alive, I will put my best efforts forward to include all three in future conversations!


Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering--and it's all over much too soon.Woody Allen

Epiphany = Mirena

I wasn't sure if having a third child was something I wanted. If I were going to do it, it would have to be soon. I'm not in my twenties you know! I was thinking more of in the future- how a third child would make me happy- our family happy. I wasn't thinking of the past- of how difficult it was taking care of an infant. I just didn't want to look back when it was too late, wishing I had that third child. My feelings would change often. If I had a great, semi-easy day with the kids (because seriously, when is it really easy?) I would think how great adding another would be. When I had a horrible day, with 2 rotten kids and am looking at the wine bottle at 11am-I would think why the hell am I even contemplating this- maybe I am a glutton for punishment. Maybe I am crazy.

It wasn't until a conversation with my best friend Dawn the other day that I knew for sure- I'm done. Free at last! Well- not really- not for quite some time...but at that moment, knowing was liberating. Dawn was telling me about feeding the baby, mixing his cereal with fruit instead of vegetables when my thoughts drifted away (sorry Dawn!) to feeding Chloe when she first started eating. I loved making new purees for her and would excitedly airplane spoonfuls of my creations into her open mouth. I couldn't wait to see what she liked and just felt pure joy feeding my baby. I checked the clock frequently to see if it was time to feed her her meals. Although those are some of my fondest memories of raising Chloe and Max, I don't want to go back there. EVER.

I'm not sure what it was about that conversation-about feeding babies their first foods- but my mind catapulted into a whirlwind of reasons of why I don't want another baby- EVER! I do not want to wake up every 2 hours. It's actually every hour when you think of it because my kids took about 45 minutes to an hour to eat. I never want to be delusionally tired again in my life. I do not want to carry that damned infant carseat around EVER again. I'm almost done with diapers- to go back would be insane. And to potty train another- hell no. A potty trained toddler is harder than changing a diaper...I spent more time in the bathroom than our seats at the circus last week. Anyway, I just got this intense feeling that overcame me during that conversation that followed me throughout the day. A feeling I was happy to be carrying around with me- a feeling that overpowered the uncertain. It was empowering to have come to this resolution. It brought me a sense of calm.

Normal occurrences that day kept giving me more reasons why I am perfectly okay with my 2 kids and my 2 kids only. I went into a store with Max without the stroller. He said "want to walk, Mama". So I gave it a shot. He was great. He held my hand. He listened. It was great. I was proud of what a big boy he has become. I know I'm screwed now for letting him walk because I'll never get him in the stroller again...but- my thoughts went back to having another baby and how I am in such a good place right now where I am. My kids are little people and I'm loving it.

I no longer carry a diaper bag. Need I say more?

As dependant as my children are at 4 and 2, they are also so independent- and it's nice. I'm enjoying my independence (if we can call it that). I've recently cleared a bottom shelf on the fridge so Chloe can reach some of her stuff like yogurts and drinks. She dresses herself (with the clothes I lay out for her- otherwise she would go to school as Cinderella, Barbie or in her dance recital costume from last year). She brushes her teeth herself. She just knows so much and is so amazing. I am in awe of where she is today- of who she has become.

It is clear as day that I am complete. My heart is full of love for these two little fools. I love their giggles, I adore their hugs and kisses and their smiles can melt my heart with just one quick glimpse. I thought a third child would bring our family even more love- more happiness. What I figured out is that I have all the love in the world that I need.

I am a mother of two and I couldn't be happier. I am now taking extra precautions to make sure it stays that way!

 As fun as taking this picture was, it wasn't fun to clean off- 3 times a day!!

 

The missing pit

When I think of my grandmother, her tight hugs, her outrageous stories, her great cooking, I get a pit in my stomach. I call it "the missing pit". I would love some more time with her. To be able to see her with my children would make me the happiest person. I know she's watching from above and continuously guiding me with the wise words she left behind- but its not the same. I miss her terribly. She was my first best friend and the last person to break my heart.

I thought I would have this feeling being away without my family. I didn't get it! Am I horrible? In Puerto Rico, I woke up- on my own, for the first time in four and a half years. I went to the bathroom by myself. I showered alone. I ate uninterrupted. I lounged by the pool without being asked for something every 35 seconds. Sure I missed them. I thought about them throughout the day and night. I just didn't get the pit in my stomach! I guess it's because I knew I would see them again, and within a few short days, the chaos would return to my life.

I believe every mom should take a trip without their family. Even if only for a night or weekend. It recharged my soul. I was losing my mind before I left and felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I feel appreciated now that I'm home. They were lost without me, hubbie and all. Even the dog went crazy when I got home!

Unfortunately, I think that might be the end of trips that far and that long until the kids are bigger. Chloe called me every day so hysterical I could hardly make out what she was saying. The one thing I did hear was, I shouldn't have let you go mom! I didn't know she had a say and I guess neither did she...but it made me feel bad! I still didn't get the pit- but I did feel bad that I was the reason for her sadness. Max on the other hand, used the floor as his potty to show his anxiousness about Mama's absence.

It took about 5 days after I got home for my kids to realize I was coming back from the store. Every time I left, the cries and screams that came from my home were the saddest sounds I ever heard. I may have not gotten the pit in my stomach being away from my kids, but they sure did. As a mom, that's all I need to know that I can't leave them again. At least not for now- until they are a little older. Or until they drive me crazy again!

Pit or no pit, I know my grandmother is proud of my choice to go away. Although she can't tell me herself, I know. I wish we could sit and talk and laugh about the adventures of Puerto Rico...oh how she loved a good drinking story! For now, I'll miss her- and talk to her the way I do- and continue to miss her...pit in my stomach and all.

The Starfish Story

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

This is dedicated in honor of my beautiful cousin, Alyssa. She made a difference in the lives of anyone lucky enough to have know her. Friend's of Alyssa's paid tribute to her with this story and I thought it was so beautiful and fitting for her and wanted to do the same.

Alyssa, your optimism has compelled me to do the things I have always wanted to do- but didn't. Your positivity during your worst times is something I will carry with me forever. I miss talking to you and hearing about all of your adventures.

A year has gone by since I last saw your smile. I will think of that smile whenever I need one of my own.

Love you always.

Alyssa was dedicated to making a difference in fighting Angiosarcoma and other rare cancers. If you would like to make a donation in her honor, please go to Cycle For Survival and donate to Mission Cure Possible. Last year, Alyssa fearlessly cycled to raise money for people like herself.

The Curse

The bloody fury has followed me to Puerto Rico. I'm okay with it because at least here, I can bleed in peace. No little people questioning if my PP has a boo boo or explaining the reasoning for putting a Bandaid on it. Here, I don't have to come up with stories like fruit punch making my pee come out red. Here, I don't have to hide in the bathroom, praying for a moment to deposit or withdraw a tampon without being caught in the act!

This bloody fury of mine tends to show up at the worst times. The worst ever- my wedding day! Can you imagine? So of course it followed me on my honeymoon as well.

I have a long history with "the curse" as my mother refers to it. My love/hate relationship with "the curse" began early on in the 5th grade. My mom never even had the talk with me yet. I was playing in the snow outside my friends house and kept getting these horrible stomach pains. I went inside to use her bathroom and was horrified to find a brown surprise. I thought I had shit myself! I frantically called my mom- disclosing all information to her in fear that others would hear my conversation. I was mortified to describe my findings to her- and when I did, she knew she had a lot of explaining to do!

As happy as I was to find out I still had control of my bowels, I was not happy to hear that this would be happening to me for many years to come- and once a month no less!

Before pregnancy, the curse lived up to its name. Trying to get pregnant with an irregular period that can come around every 52 days or so, is not an easy task. I hated to see it when it did show up the months that I was hoping it wouldn't. I also did not miss it once I became pregnant. Included in the many benefits of breastfeeding came the absence of the monthly visitor. It was so nice not getting it for close to 2 years with each of my kids!

I've also had moments where the curse wasn't much of a curse at all. Moments like these I was overjoyed...ruined white pants and all. Moments like these made me take back anything bad I had ever said about it.

Its been a rocky road for the curse and I for the past 25 years or so. This is one of those things that you love to hate, but will miss when its gone. With the disappearance of your menstrual cycle comes the hot flashes of menopause and fears of growing older. Its crazy how it comes full circle.

Now on vacation, as my cycle and vacation come to an end, the only blood I want to think about is the Bloody Mary greeting me each morning.  Here's to you CURSE, for your always perfect timing. 

No Bloody Mary's were harmed while writing this post...I hope.

                                                                                                                              

Cheerio!

Becoming a Godmother

Anyone that knows me, knows I come in a pair...and I'm not talking my husband. I'm talking Dawn! A friends daughter actually referred to us as TaraDawn!

Dawn has been my closest friend since as far back as I have memories.We grew up in each others houses and our families are more like family then friends. The countless sleepovers, dinners at each others houses and feeling like I had a sister- even though I didn't, made my childhood an amazing one. To this day, she is like my sister. I am so lucky to have a friend like her in my life.

When Dawn asked me to be her sons Godmother, I was truly honored. When you decide to start a family of your own, your choosing to have those children. When someone asks you to become their child's Godmother- its so special because they are choosing you.  It wasn't only becoming his Godmother that made it so special, it was that is tightened our already tight bond. It kind of sealed the deal and actually made us family.

I have a special bond with baby Anthony already and hes only 5 months old. I absolutely adore him and hope to be that special person in his life that he loves to be around because only he & I share that special bond. I plan on spoiling him terribly and loving him unconditionally.

Thank you Dawn and Anthony for choosing me. I promise to be an outstanding Godparent to lil Gingy!

Dawn (left) Me (right)
at Dawn's baby shower.

Early morning laughs (emphasis on early)

"Ma, why do you have nipple cream on your face?"

Chloe questioning the Clearasil leftover from last night!

Happy Friday!

My vagina is not yuck!

From time to time, I take max in the shower with me. It loosens him up when he has a cold. When he's not in the shower with me, he's playing right outside the glass shower doors, playing with his trains. The last few times we were in the bathroom together, I noticed him staring dead on at my nether region. I knew he was going to say something about it when "yuck", is what came out!

I know hes only two- but I was offended by his yuck! I told him- mommy's vagina is not yuck, Max. And if it is yuck by any means, it's because you and your sister came out of it and made it that way!

I know I shouldn't be, but I am now self- conscience naked in front of my two year old! I think its time to start showering with Daddy, Max. And don't think I'm not telling this story to your first girlfriend!

Chloe the comedian

So Chloe just recently got into telling jokes...she hasn't quite mastered her craft just yet.  This morning's joke was how did the dog get the treat? He jumped up and got it out of his mom's hand! Funny? Maybe not so much. Adorable? Very. I may be biased- but she put a smile on my face. Job well done little lady!

                

Dos- the licking bandit



When I was pregnant with Max, we referred to him as dos! This wasn't only because he was going to be our second child- we joked that we could never imagine loving another child as much as we loved Chloe and the new baby wouldn't matter enough to be named!  As much as we joked about this, I had actual concerns about equally loving the new baby compared to my firstborn. My concerns all faded the moment I laid my eyes upon my newborn baby boy. I loved him immediately, just as I did Chloe when she was first born. I wanted Chloe to know she wouldn't come second to the second baby and left the hospital 24hrs after delivering Max! I wanted everything to be as it was before he was born for my 2 year old. I gave her a bath the night after giving birth while my family yelled at me. I put her to bed that night. Life seemed to adjust itself to our newly grown family.

Max was and is equally loved- but, there are some differences between your first and second child. Things that killed me with Chloe, just doesn't with Max. I was a germaphobe to the tenth power with Chloe. I still walk around with antibacterial wipes and skeeve just about everything- but don't get as bothered by things that Max does or touches like I did Chloe.

Max is in what I like to call "the licking phase". If Chloe licked half the things I catch Max licking, I would have committed myself! Its downright disgusting and he turns my stomach! He licks the bathtub while being bathed,  our railing walking up the steps, the dining room table while eating breakfast, lunch & dinner. He licks my face- which he refers to as dog kisses- or cat, depending on his mood. He'll lick the kitchen floor when lying on it- or the dog if he passes him while lying on the floor. This is a "dos" like quality in my second child that remains.

I loosened up a bit. Yes, I cringe every time I see him lick a book- but I'm not calling the doctor! If I could have put Chloe in a custom made bubble- I so would have pimped one out for her! Germs, falls, staying up later than bedtime, missing naps are things I wouldn't dare take lightly with my first child- let alone her licking the leg of the dining room table! If we stay out past Max's bedtime- I'm okay with that. He stopped napping before he was two- believe me, I wanted him to nap, he just didn't. I'm (kinda) okay with that. If he falls- we shake it off. If he gets sick- it sucks, but kids get sick. You cant put them in a bubble. That seemed unfortunate to me with Chloe, but I'm happy I'm not constructing a bubble for Max in my head!

The difference between your first child and your second isn't the love you have for either. It's that your more comfortable and at ease in your role as a mama the second time around. Do I want Max licking everything in his tongues way? Hell no!

Dos will be okay, just like numero uno is. Thankfully, the licking remains a habit that's kept in our home. Hopefully it stays that way-and we will all remain okay! If he starts licking outside of our home, I will definitely be rewriting this!

I'm hoping this phase doesn't last very long.

Wish me luck!

Licking lollipops- YES!
Licking the refrigerator- NO!