Oh My God... I'M Mom!

As I browsed the crappy gifts at the Spring boutique in the gym of my daughters school, I was hit with a moment of nostalgia. Suddenly, I was back in elementary school excitedly searching the same crappy gifts with "mom" inscribed for my mom. I got tears in my eyes when I realized that- I'm Mom...I will be getting the very same crappy gifts that I chose for my own Mom- and cherish them the same way she did because my kids chose them...for me.

I went back to that feeling of being a kid and wanting to pick out something my mom would love. Of wanting to make her so happy with the gift I chose. The feeling of finally being able to give something to the woman who gives everything to me...the person that makes it all better.  When it hit me in that moment that I am that woman to my daughter- I was overwhelmed with emotion.

It's amazing how an oven mitt with "mother' embroidered across it can put things in perspective. Of course before the Spring boutique I was well aware I was a mom. I did carry them both for close to a year each and expel them through a rather small opening of my body! But...in that moment, flashing back to myself as a child- feeling that love for my mom and knowing that is how Chloe feels for me...just-made me realize how important I am to her. How much she loves and looks up to me. Like I did my mom. And still do.

WOW.

I. Am. A .Mom.

And- I couldn't be luckier...shitty gifts included.

You can take the girl out of Brooklyn

I was born and raised in Canarsie, a neighborhood in Brooklyn. My block, 95th street is where a minimum of 20 kids dwelled-all friends including two of my best to this day, Dawn and Nicole. Summer days and nights were spent on our block playing tag, manhunt, red light- green light...we were never bored.

We had some trusty characters that helped keep boredom to a minimum. Jerry the bum for one, who wasn't truly a bum - but a man who worked in finance and lost his mind. Dressed in a suit everyday, he wandered around Canarsie and down our street daily. As out of sorts as he was, he was harmless. Singing Grandma was an older woman who lived one block over. She would walk up and down the block humming and singing. She never spoke a word to us. She too was harmless- as long as we didn't speak to her!  C was my favorite. As a result of scarlet fever as a child, she suffered a terribly high temperature that left her brain damaged. She was a fun-loving, innocent thirty something year old woman that was very childlike. She lived two blocks down and was a 95th street staple. Everyone in Canarsie knew her and watched over her. She always had a smile on her face and was always laughing. Besides growing up with so many kids on my block, these are some of the memories I have of growing up in Brooklyn. There was always something going on.

I moved to Long Island (the suburbs) the year I got married. I love it here...but not like I loved Brooklyn. I'm here for seven years and as much as it feels like home- it's not home. I don't know the people in the stores like I did in Canarsie. I don't see familiar faces in the playground. It's different. In Brooklyn, kids played in the front of their houses. Here- everyone plays in their backyards. As much as I love my backyard, I would love to hear the sound of children laughing and playing in front of our houses as well. It's just nice seeing people outside...guess living on a dead end doesn't help matters!

I came here to raise a family and am doing just that. The schools are amazing and I hope they both get the education my husband and I came here for (and am paying for in the taxes!) I just also hope that they find lifelong friends like I have. I know that they will meet school friends- Chloe has already- but will it be the same? My block in Brooklyn was so tight knit- such a community. I fear that living here- my children will never have the childhood I had. My childhood was remarkable- ask any kid from 95th street and they'll tell you the same.

The memories I have of being a kid, growing up on the block I did, are some of the best I have. I want that for my children because of how good it was. A firefly hunt/competition isn't as much fun with just your sibling. 20 kids deep on a stoop eating Italian ices, coming in filthy from a long day of play, all being annoyed by the same nosy neighbor (yea- I'm talking to you Thelma!)...camaraderie.

I never heard the word "playdate" before moving to the burbs. We just played or went over each others houses. We weren't ushered to and fro 3-4 different activities per week. We did kid things with each other. We didn't need outside sources because we had each other. I want my kids to experience friendships the way the children of 95th street did.

As much as I know Chloe and Max will never have the childhood I had, a mom could only dream it will be just as good- if not better. It may not be like mine- but I hope their version comes close in comparison.

Me (right) and Dawn- circa 1980!

Us at her baby shower over two years ago!
Me on the right again-funny!

A lifelong friendship that began in Brooklyn.

Mothering is not all rainbows and butterflies

As I look up at my windows adorned with pastel eggs and bunnies, (yes- my windows are still decorated for Easter...taking them down tonight- I swear!) I laugh at the sounds coming from my house. They do not match whats going on inside! It's like asking a blonde if the drapes match the carpet!

This is the one reason I dislike Spring. Open windows.
From the outside- the pastel bunnies and chicks make our life seem like its all rainbows and butterflies- that is when the windows are closed.

When the windows are open, it sounds like an asylum! Between the screaming and crying from the kids- me yelling (only when necessary of course-wink,wink) and the dog barking...only crazy people can sound like this!

When I realize the windows are open after a tug of war between Chloe and Max, I wince. Then I shrug and say screw it! Although my life may appear to be filled with pastel chicks and bunnies-life isn't always rainbows and butterflies!

Sign should read "crazy house" with the arrow pointed toward our front door.

Introducing our own personal Gaga!

    Meet our very own Gaga- my mom! 
     It doesn't matter how old your kids get...once a momaholic, always a momaholic. So who better to guest post about being a mom other than my own! A self professed momaholic turned Grammaholic, my mom will share stories of becoming a Grandma...or Gaga as we refer to her, and how it has changed her life.

It's All In The Name

                                         Written by Kathy (aka Gaga) with love.

At one time or another we all choose a name for someone or something...a pet, a toy, your car, a screen name. Your child's, the most important name choice you will make in your life, is one that he or she will live with for the rest of their lives - until maybe...

Your child becomes a parent. Name choices for mothers are usually Mama, Mommy, Mom, Ma. Fathers - Dada, Daddy, Dad, Da or some variations.

Prior to the birth of my first grandchild, we discussed what I would eventually be called. Grandma (not me), Gram (my mother's "name"), Nana (my grandmother), Nanny, Nan, Mimi...the list went on and on. The final determination was "whatever name she called me would be it." Then, my beautiful Chloe was born...one of the truly happiest days of my life. Chloe became my world. I noticed every movement, smile, laugh, tear, scream...til the day came when she chose my name. She said "Ga"! When I asked Tara if she heard Chloe say Ga- she told me I was crazy- that I was fishing for a name!

Sure enough, Chloe did in fact say Ga which soon became Gaga- and I wasn't crazy after all. I loved it, I embraced it, my heart sang with joy. I am Gaga...and Chloe named me herself.

And so I am- Gaga (long before Lady Gaga- yes, I was first!) I am now Gaga to my own children, my son in law, my sweet boy Max, my husband, my daughters friends and some of their children too!

 Whatever your name is, embrace it- someone who loved you with all their heart chose it for you too.

                                     xoxo, Gaga!

If you enjoyed this post (and I hope you have) please look for my future posts under Gaga's World on my daughter's blog, Secrets of a Momaholic.

Jumbo Shrimp

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. This, some of us may know- yet we still wonder what it would be like. I had dinner with 3 of my close girlfriends last night and our discussions were centered around our significant others not doing their share in the house and unruly children- our own and others!

Mind you, I was the only married woman at the table and the only mother!

One of the three girls is living with her boyfriend of four years.

The two others are single, sans children.

In the midst of my venting, Esther asks me- when is it good? I was taken aback by her question and  felt awful for making it sound like it is all bad. I meant to articulate how difficult it is- not bad. My explanation to her was that I have everything I have ever wanted. Everything I could ask for. If I were in her shoes, what I have- is what I would be longing for...yet, at times- I cant help but envy her freedom. Her quiet time. Her ability to come and go as she chooses. That sounds glorious to me- yet, if I had it- I would want what I have now!!!

Life is crazy. Life isn't always easy. This I know well. But I love my life and I love my kids even when I feel the desire to put my head through the wall. Even when Chloe fights me to brush her teeth- every morning and every night. Even when she insists on wearing only pink- every day with a closet filled with everything but pink. Even when my son pees on the floor while staring at me in front of the potty seat. Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms!

Our conversation was clearly confused and in the interim, bad and difficult was lost in translation.

From last nights conversation on, I will make a conscience effort to say what I mean and mean what I say- the best that I can.

Parenting accompanies the good, the bad and the ugly. In order to keep manhood alive, I will put my best efforts forward to include all three in future conversations!


Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering--and it's all over much too soon.Woody Allen

Epiphany = Mirena

I wasn't sure if having a third child was something I wanted. If I were going to do it, it would have to be soon. I'm not in my twenties you know! I was thinking more of in the future- how a third child would make me happy- our family happy. I wasn't thinking of the past- of how difficult it was taking care of an infant. I just didn't want to look back when it was too late, wishing I had that third child. My feelings would change often. If I had a great, semi-easy day with the kids (because seriously, when is it really easy?) I would think how great adding another would be. When I had a horrible day, with 2 rotten kids and am looking at the wine bottle at 11am-I would think why the hell am I even contemplating this- maybe I am a glutton for punishment. Maybe I am crazy.

It wasn't until a conversation with my best friend Dawn the other day that I knew for sure- I'm done. Free at last! Well- not really- not for quite some time...but at that moment, knowing was liberating. Dawn was telling me about feeding the baby, mixing his cereal with fruit instead of vegetables when my thoughts drifted away (sorry Dawn!) to feeding Chloe when she first started eating. I loved making new purees for her and would excitedly airplane spoonfuls of my creations into her open mouth. I couldn't wait to see what she liked and just felt pure joy feeding my baby. I checked the clock frequently to see if it was time to feed her her meals. Although those are some of my fondest memories of raising Chloe and Max, I don't want to go back there. EVER.

I'm not sure what it was about that conversation-about feeding babies their first foods- but my mind catapulted into a whirlwind of reasons of why I don't want another baby- EVER! I do not want to wake up every 2 hours. It's actually every hour when you think of it because my kids took about 45 minutes to an hour to eat. I never want to be delusionally tired again in my life. I do not want to carry that damned infant carseat around EVER again. I'm almost done with diapers- to go back would be insane. And to potty train another- hell no. A potty trained toddler is harder than changing a diaper...I spent more time in the bathroom than our seats at the circus last week. Anyway, I just got this intense feeling that overcame me during that conversation that followed me throughout the day. A feeling I was happy to be carrying around with me- a feeling that overpowered the uncertain. It was empowering to have come to this resolution. It brought me a sense of calm.

Normal occurrences that day kept giving me more reasons why I am perfectly okay with my 2 kids and my 2 kids only. I went into a store with Max without the stroller. He said "want to walk, Mama". So I gave it a shot. He was great. He held my hand. He listened. It was great. I was proud of what a big boy he has become. I know I'm screwed now for letting him walk because I'll never get him in the stroller again...but- my thoughts went back to having another baby and how I am in such a good place right now where I am. My kids are little people and I'm loving it.

I no longer carry a diaper bag. Need I say more?

As dependant as my children are at 4 and 2, they are also so independent- and it's nice. I'm enjoying my independence (if we can call it that). I've recently cleared a bottom shelf on the fridge so Chloe can reach some of her stuff like yogurts and drinks. She dresses herself (with the clothes I lay out for her- otherwise she would go to school as Cinderella, Barbie or in her dance recital costume from last year). She brushes her teeth herself. She just knows so much and is so amazing. I am in awe of where she is today- of who she has become.

It is clear as day that I am complete. My heart is full of love for these two little fools. I love their giggles, I adore their hugs and kisses and their smiles can melt my heart with just one quick glimpse. I thought a third child would bring our family even more love- more happiness. What I figured out is that I have all the love in the world that I need.

I am a mother of two and I couldn't be happier. I am now taking extra precautions to make sure it stays that way!

 As fun as taking this picture was, it wasn't fun to clean off- 3 times a day!!

 

Starfall- a great educational website your child will love

Starfall is a great educational website that I have to share with you. My mom taught kindergarten for years and Starfall was used during computer time in her classroom. It teaches many different skills like colors, shapes, letters and numbers for little ones. Max who is 2 1/2 will stay on the computer as long as I allow him! I'm so happy my mom introduced this to my kiddies because they love it so much- and they are learning!

Chloe who is 4 1/2 and is in pre-k is trying to read in the worst way. Starfall's Learn to read section is great for her because as she clicks on the words in a story, the letters of the word is sounded out for her. The learning is limitless- there are so many skills like sequencing and grammar to choose from. This is definitely guiding her in the reading direction.

The sites It's Fun to Read section is perfect for beginner readers or children like Chloe that really want to read. I love the "its all about me" because the questions are read to her as she clicks on each word. The answers are also provided in a way for the child to recognize the correct answer. For example, the answers to the question "I am a _____" are highlighted in pink or blue. So Chloe chooses the pink and the word reads out "girl" when she clicks on it. She also chooses what she looks like by choosing her color hair and creates her own virtual Chloe!

I'm Reading offers many different genres from folk tales to comics for those who are reading. I really like how this site grows with your child. I like the idea of them learning on the same site as they grow so that they are comfortable and confident using it.

Starfalls systematic phonics approach, in conjunction with phonemic awareness practice, is perfect for preschool, kindergarten, first grade and second grade. Once you get them on it- they are going to love it! Chloe is amazing on the computer and Max is not far behind! They both maneuver this website alone with ease. 

Max on Starfall & deep in thought!!!

Breakfast Quesadillas

This is such an easy alternative to your ordinary egg sandwich. The crispy tortilla mixed with the egg and melted cheese is so good- you'll want to make it every morning! Max loves it as much as I do- so we share one!

Scramble your eggs and cook them as you normally would. Using the same pan, spray it well with Pam and lay the tortilla flat. Let it stand for a few minutes. On one side of the tortilla, add a slice of American cheese and add the eggs on top of the cheese. Fold the empty side over the eggs and let cook a few minutes before flipping to the other side. Keep it in the pan for a few minutes before taking out to crisp it up.

                     
Slice the quesadilla in half using a pizza cutter and serve with ketchup for dipping!

I hope you enjoy it as much as Max and I!